Common assault, er... the loving smacking of little people too small to hit back, is in the news again. The Deputy Secretary-General of the Council of Europe, Ms Boer-Buquicchio says that, "Prohibiting all corporal punishment is a legal imperative and I hope the United Kingdom will take that essential step urgently". Cue outbreak of media/taproom big-gobbery (‘No foreigner can tell us...A good hiding never did me any harm... Common sense... PC Brigade...', etc, etc). But spare a thought for these people. Since the Children Act 2004 lowered the limit of parental violence to common assault, its defenders have had to extol the irreplaceable benefits of a mere tap. It was so much more defensible when it was the cuts and bruises of actual bodily harm. And in any event - without it, how can one possibly grow up to enjoy S'n'M in adult life?
According to a Servants Quarters' tabloid at Sketch Mansions, yet more of these professional round-ball proles have been reverting to type. Team mates' former girlfriends indeed. Disgusting. In my day we would never have looked at a gel who wasn't hitched to a fellow member of the First XV. And all that writhing about after a harmless tackle -don't they have any bogus blood capsules?